Andy's Reasons Why

It Is a Thrill

If you have never procrastinated in your life *cough* Amanda Babcock *cough*, you my friend are missing out in life. There is not better thrill than turning you assignment in minutes before it is due. See, normally people might experience stress and get a lot of anxiety from procrastination, but not me. For some reason I don’t really get stressed about having a couple of hours to do my work or even having late work. Maybe it’s because I’ve always gotten good enough grades while procrastinating that I continue to do so without stress. I would say that devoting an entire day to just homework because it had piled up is not fun (totally not happening to me right now).

It Helps Prevent Boredom

Nothing better than being in a time crunch, adrenaline pumping, and constantly eyeing the clock to check how much time you have left. See, for me procrastination has forced me to constantly check the clock. I got an assignment due at midnight and it’s ten o’clock? Ya I still got two hours. Devoting every minute of your day to something productive is boring. Being a civilized person and contributing to a fulfilling life? That sound BORING. I know somebody, not mentioning any names but if you know them you know who I am talking about, but they literally do everything two to three weeks ahead and now that they are in quarantine, THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO. Look how far staying on top of things got you, BOREDOM. Ironic. See since I am an ungodly amount of assignments behind, I have stuff to do. See, life is interesting.

In Conclusion…

Procrastination actually teaches you an essential tool in life, the ability to do something in a time crunch. See all those years in high school and college doing everything last minute and having barely enough time to do things could very well prepare you for your job. You got a project that needs to be done the same day, say no more.

I feel like I am not the only one when I say this, but can you guys actually fall asleep when you hit to pillow or are you like me and when you do try to sleep, your mind decides it is not tired any more.

Sleeping

You know, it is a school night (not right now lol quarantine sucks) and it’s just past 10 pm and you’re like “let’s get some sleep.” But, as soon as you put your head on the pillow, boom can’t fall asleep. It’s like your brain has been waiting all day to pull this prank on you. *Brain* “I am tired, I need sleep” all day, that is what your telling yourself. But when you try to sleep, “Oh, you thought I was serious? Maybe if you took your studies as serious you wouldn’t be failing.” Damn, you really just got roasted by your brain and your not going to sleep either, definitely sounds like you got dealt the crap end of the stick. But seriously, someone needs to tell me how to fix this, cause I am sick of going to bed at 7…am.

Being Sore TWO DAYS AFTER

Anyone else get sore from working out, AT THE WRONG TIME. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday and typically between days on Tuesday and Thursday, I am fine. But noooo, the days I workout I feel terrible. Stupid soreness that helps me build muscle. Its like your body wants you to be in pain when you workout. When I workout, I tend to enjoy it. The “pump” that everyone talks about when lifting (its blood in your muscles) is the best feeling in the world. But if I have to stretch for an hour to get warmed up because I can barely walk, there is a problem. MAYBE IF MY BRAIN LET ME SLEEP, I COULD RECOVER AND NOT BE SORE. It’s almost like my body wants to feel pain.

Eating

The truth in the meme makes me upset because this is my life. I don’t typically eat breakfast. Why you ask? I feel like I am going to throw up if I do and when I do, it comes out the other way (not fun). Since I pretty much lost that war, I just skip the breakfast part. But this is where the fun starts. I get hungry at 10. Typically during school I can’t eat at 10 since I didn’t bring snack, since you know I wasn’t hungry before school and now I have to starve until lunch. But, I can barely eat anything for lunch because my stomach cramped from not eating. So, when I eat, it hurts. I also eat really fast and don’t give time for my stomach to expand. So the only time I get to eat normally is dinner time. This is not a good idea of you lift. Eating one giant meal to try and replicate three is not a good idea. But since my body hates me, I CAN’T EAT IN PEACE.

Conclusion

My body hates me in every aspect of life.

Have you seen a girl like a guy whose only personality trait was his height? I bet the first thing about 95% of girls would say they want out of a guy is “they have to be at least six foot” (Obviously I know 95% is an over exaggeration so I’ll drop is to 94.99%).

We Get It, You Want Someone Taller Than You

I get the fact that girls want a guy who is taller than her because you know, hugs. But, if he’s as tall as LeBron James and you’re almost considered a midget, I think that’s a little much. I do have a question for girls, biologically speaking, girls like guys that appear to be “dominant” (Exactly why I created my other blog, Why Girls Don’t like Overly Nice Guys) so is being tall make you appear more dominant to girls? If you answered with “it’s my natural preference” than I’m correct. If you answered with anything else, you’re lying.

Okay, back to the whole LeBron and midget thing. Look over at this picture right here –>. The man on the left is Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, who is 6’9″ and 440 lbs. The woman on the right, is his wife Kelsey Henson. She is 5’2″ and 115 lbs. Ya, this is a little scary just saying. The man is THE BIGGEST STRONGMAN COMPETING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW and can deadlift over 1,000 lbs, one wrong move and she’s a goner, like not even joking. Like, he could quite literally roll over in the middle of the night and boom, donion rings. But I guess if you’re happy, you’re happy.

You Round Everything Else in Life

Everyone rounds to something, whether it be time, money, or anything else. But what about height? Does the guy have to be MINIMUM 6 foot or can he be 5’11” or 5’11” and some change? I am not complaining about this at all since I am already happily in a relationship while being vertically challenged (DON’T USE THE R WORD PLEASE AND THANK YOU). But, I have seen a lot of situations where guys were rejected because they were short. What if that girl missed out on the best opportunity of a lifetime that person could’ve been (fill in the blank) and you missed out on that opportunity because he was “too short for me.”

In Conclusion…

We get it, you have preferences and that is normal. But if you have a preference on something that is not controllable, like race or height, than keep it to yourself. Maybe consider different options as those people could have traits about them that are amazing. And yes I am 5’9″ now stop talking about it (I’ll bench you and your mother).

Before you guys go, “But girls are crazy, Andy.” Well ya, obviously. But most guys already know girls are clinically insane, but I bet most of you don’t realize how complex a guy can be.

Talking to Girls – Looking for a Relationship

When guys are looking for a potential date, they will more than likely talk to more than one girl at a time. Same for girls typically. But with a guy, they’ll talk to each girl individually to try and get to know them, at least in my experience and things other guys say. Girls tend to say the same thing a lot to multiple guys. Guys really want to get to know you and actually talk. Now this is where I start to say guys are more complex than girls. Girls will typically find a guy they like fairly quick, but with guys, at least as far as I can tell, are a little slower when it comes to picking a girl. They say a guy takes, what? 8 seconds to fall in love. Ya, okay. Teenage guys don’t know what love is (they want something else). But guys will typically talk to all girls with the same energy. Girls don’t understand this sometimes because they’ve already made up their minds, another reason why girls are less complex cause they actually use their brains.

Once in the Relationship

Yay, you did it. You’re the one the guy chose, congratulations. This is where the fun begins. So, you know of this thing called jealousy, right? Well let me tell you something. You think you get mad when you see your man talking to another girl? Oh mannnnn. You haven’t seen nothing yet. Girls will be like, “Oh, I hate her. Why is he talking to her?” Guys have already skipped passed that and pretty much already planned out how there going to end that man’s life (not literally, but maybe). And it gets worse. Guys typically can fix this problem if their girlfriend is jealous pretty quick. Food, duh. But with guys it’s pretty difficult. Girls will usually forget about the girl pretty fast, unless there is history than that’s a different story. Guys will continue to think about that guy you were talking to and the scary part is, you don’t even know because he won’t say anything typically. He’ll typically think about it by himself and beat himself up over it thinking he’s not good enough for you.

Emotional Problems

You won’t ever notice this because guys typically don’t express their emotions because they need to “man up.” Yes, there is a time and a place for that. But sometimes you need to talk about things. Bottling everything up inside is only going to make things worse. And when you snap, it might not be in the right place or you might end up snapping on the wrong person (ya I’m guilty of this too, I’m no saint). Girl’s deal with their problems fairly well, crying, talking about it, or what have you. Guys will deal with their problems on their own and bottle it up. You want to see crazy? Wait until your boyfriend snaps because he’s so emotionally stressed he can’t control it anymore. You’ll probably think you were dating someone from Arkham Asylum and Batman might be knocking on your door any second now.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, everyone is basically crazy. Maybe that’s why we need people in our lives because that seems to help with the crazy. But anyway, I know many of you will disagree with this and frankly, I couldn’t care less.

This blog is not talking about people in abusive relationships, mentally and physically, I am talking about the fact that girls do not like overly nice guys. Girls want someone who isn’t trying too hard to be nice.

“I don’ t understand why girls don’t like me, I’m super nice.”

Well, did you stop to consider how the other guys around you are getting girls? Guys who struggle to get girls to like them think that the thing you should do, is be nice. Yes being nice is good, but trying too hard to be nice (overly nice) or going out of your way to be nice, girls don’t want that. Girls want someone whose got personality to them. Not just skin deep with looks or one type of personality, aka just being nice. Girls want someone who can give them a variety of personalities that never seems to get old. One minute the guy is a comedian and you’re trying to contain your bladder, and the next the guy is your therapist listening to you talk about girl drama. GIRLS WANT THIS. VARIETY PEOPLE, NOT SKIN DEEP.

“But he’s a dick to her.”

Or how about this Amanda, you are just choosing to hear what you want to hear and taking sides (sorry not sorry). People who observe a couple and think that the guy is being a “dick” but don’t stop to look at the girl giving that same energy and then laughing about it, you people are fools. You only see what you want to see because you either already hate the guy of the relationship because you think the girl deserves “better” or you just take the girl’s side no matter what, GIRL POWER! Yes, because it is very empowering to drag someone down to feel good – *cough* all of American history *cough*. Did you maybe stop to hear the rest of this conversation where the guy is appearing to be a “dick.” Oh, you noticed that the girl made fun of the guy too? Maybe now you realize that they are just teasing each other because they really like each other (sorry that is what we tend to do when we like someone, we make fun of them, especially girls – wack).

In Conclusion…

It’s a fairly simple game once you figure it out. Girl’s want someone they can laugh with and have a good time with. Yes, the occasional compliment, flowers, and little gifts are good and girls love that stuff. But trying too hard and being overly nice, might as well invite yourself to the friend-zone cause you ain’t going anywhere. Girls are complicated yes, but once you begin to pick up on their little games, things begin to get a little easier. But, women will always be a mystery (maybe future blog?).

My relationship is actually very nice and I honestly have no real complaints. However, I will be talking about some problems that come from being in a relationship. Again, with all my blogs, they are not really serious, they are just meant to be something you read and laugh about.

Side note – this is about a heterosexual relationship, so please do not be offended if you are in a different type of relationship.

Meeting The Father

Everyone knows about the day you get to meet your girlfriend’s father. He’s sitting on the deck with a white beater on and has a loaded shotgun. This is meant to intimidate the boyfriend to make sure he is not a “beta” and is fit to date his daughter. This is a stupid idea. Just because you don’t think you will like the kid because he’s dating your daughter, does not mean you get to decide what’s best for her. Didn’t the dad have to go through the same thing when meeting his wife’s father? Doesn’t he think that really sucked? Like c’mon, give the kid a break, he probably has to change his underwear he’s so scared. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to think straight when I got to worry about your dad deciding whether or not I should still be able to breathe? This is the beginning of the “suckiness” of being a boyfriend.

Women are Complicated

You think this is a joke? I don’t even think there are words to accurately describe what a women is thinking about, let alone what she’s actually saying. Before I began dating Sabrina, the second time, people would tell me, “Women are crazy,” and to be honest, I really didn’t believe them. I continued to not believe this for the first year and half of my relationship. Sabrina seemed to be an exception of this label on women and everything was going great. Then, it began. It started slow, I would ask her how she’s doing, “I’m fine.” Ask her what’s wrong, “Nothing.” This gradually increased to the point where she didn’t even say words, it was just the cold shoulder. And they expect you to know what you did wrong. You know one time freshman year, Sabrina was mad at me for a whole day and even told her friends. They wouldn’t talk to me and when I asked her friend why Sabrina was mad at me, she responded with, “You know what you did.” I asked the question because clearly I don’t know the answer to it, Amanda (she was the friend btw). We’re not even to the worst part of the “suckiness.”

Side note – I later found out that Sabrina was mad at me because I was talking to one of my childhood friends, a girl, who was going through some tough times and I was trying to cheer her up. So I complemented her by saying that she looked great in her recent Instagram posts. Sabrina saw the last part of the conversation, you know the rest.

You’re Always Wrong

When they say you’re never right, IT’S CAUSE YOU ARE NOT RIGHT, PERIOD. It doesn’t even matter if you go through a trial, present your evidence, back it up with rock solid facts, bring in countless witnesses, and even put God himself on the stand. Guess what, you’re wrong. Your girlfriend probably didn’t even hear what you were saying. Her mind was already made before she even thought of the problem. Not mentioning any names, but you know who is notorious for this. You know who, would say something that wasn’t accurate and as anyone would politely try to do, I would correct her. Nope, I’m still wrong. Women are that stubborn with their man, that even facts can’t change their mind. To me, this is the worst part of being a boyfriend because there is nothing more frustrating to me, than arguing with someone who is misinformed and won’t listen to reason.

Food

You’re out with your girlfriend having a little date and you’re getting hungry. So you ask them where they want to eat because your a guy and will probably eat just about anything. “I don’t know, you pick.” You list every restaurant within a 20 mile radius and she still can’t decide. At this point you’ve given up and decided to starve. Then randomly 15 minutes later, she’ll say something like, “McDonalds sounds really good right now.” MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM HOW PISSED OFF I AM RIGHT NOW. Not only am I pissed because I’ve been hungry for 15 minutes and counting, but also from the fact that I already listed McDonald’s off as an option and you said you didn’t want it. Why can’t women decide on a restaurant? I just want to eat man.

In Conlusion

I am not saying I don’t have my own issues that contribute to problems within my relationship, but some things are just plain stupid. Guys are really simple. They just a handful of things to keep them happy. You’re one of them. But if you’re being difficult, than your ruining the good time. Women are far more complicated than men and expect men to be some kind of mind readers and know everything. Aren’t women smarter than men? If so, obviously I can’t read your mind cause to be honest, there is not much going on in my own head. If I can barely understand what I’m thinking about with my simple thoughts, how on Earth am I supposed to read your mind? And could you just pick somewhere to eat, I’m starving.

In this blog, I am going to dive into the different types of humor and then explain why humor is the best. This blog is not meant to be offensive, I am just defining what types of humor there are.

Light Humor

Light humor is the most common type of humor. If the audience you are about to say a joke to is not people you are familiar with, then start off with a simple joke. You know some knock knock jokes or some dad jokes. Guarantee somebody will laugh at your dad jokes. Like, “What type of bees make milk?” Boo-bees, see funny and light. Light humor is not meant to be offensive, it’s just meant to be a light laugh.

Moderate Humor

This type of humor is usually what most movies use. This humor is a mix of the light comedy and adult comedy (I will cover this later). It is used in movies especially PG and PG-13 movies because it appeals to everyone in the audience. There is comedy in there to keep the children entertained and there is adult comedy in there to keep the adults entertained at the same time. This kind of humor can be found in Aladdin and King of Thieves with the line, “I thought the Earth wasn’t supposed to move until the honeymoon.” Kids will assume this is just a silly line while the adults laugh. This comedy is fairly common among friends that are not that close. While it is still funny, you are not offending anyone.

Adult Humor

This comedy is typically used in rated R movies or adult T.V. shows. This kind of comedy, at least in my experience, is usually sexualized. These kind of jokes are most commonly used among comedians. Since a comedian’s audience is usually adults and older teenagers, they will understand this humor. The famous punchline “that’s why she said” is a very common way to make almost anything sexualized. For example, Michael Scott from The Office, is told not to say this famous line, but Jim Halpert makes the line “you always leave me smiling and satisfied” to try and get a reaction out of Micheal. Michael gives in by saying “that’s what she said” to Jim. This comedy is kind of offensive as it is sexualized most of the time.

Dark Humor

This humor right here will probably get you killed if you are not careful. Dark humor is meant to be offensive and it is named “dark” because these jokes are supposed to be so horrid and crude that they are somehow funny. As stated, these jokes are crude and horrid, taking jabs at a number of things including death and violence. If you are still confused on what dark humor is, here is an example. “Mom what is dark humor?” Mom: “You see that armless man over there, go give him a high five.” Kid: “But mom I’m blind.” As you can see, the humor is based on crude and horrid things such as disabilities.

Humor is The Best

Why is humor the best? Humor is the best way to make light of any situation and is always a great way to break the ice. The only precaution you should use for humor is what kind to use in a given situation. If you and a group of people are grieving over something, dark humor is probably not the best option. Instead, use some light humor to cheer people up. People don’t like to be sad, they want to be happy and what better way to cheer people up than by using humor.

A photo will go here at some point when I acquire a photo of just myself.

Hello, my name is Andrew Abinadi Bybee. Middle and last name are pronounced Uh-ben-uh-die and Bye-bee (like the insect). I am a senior at Northwood High School and started this blog for my college writing class. I was born in Adana, Turkey as a result of my father’s service in the military and I also have dual-citizenship with Turkey and the United States. I have three pets at home, one cat (S’mores) and two dogs (Kenai and Loki). Loki is our brand new puppy and he is a Siberian Husky. I hope you enjoy my blogs as they are meant to be comedic and enjoy me making fun of my own life.

If your reading this, I did something right.